Slow down or speed up.
I turn 18 this year and I’ve got mixed emotions. I’m a teenager. I’m expected to want to move out and have total freedom, right? Or am I going to be one of those people that just can’t decide what I want to do or where I want to go in life?
Yes, my hair makes me happy. You’re probably wondering exactly… what I mean. My hair on my head. The one thing about myself that will never fail to make me happy is the length of my hair.
“I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life …” (376). This quote is from Henry David Thoreau’s Walden. My purpose in writing this blog post is to express sentimental importance, and the impact this quote has on my life.
This quote means so much more to me now than it did a week and a half ago. In my own words it’s essentially saying to live life to the fullest, and think with detail rather than bypassing every simple thing. I’ve started to understand that the little things I used to never pay attention to often, are now the things that hold the most value. Cherishing every moment that I have left with my dog is of big importance to me. A week ago I was dreading every day that passed because I knew the day was approaching that I’d come home to an empty house. I’d no longer be able to shout Sophiaaa mimi, hi baby, hola chica, or SOPH the LOAF.
I’ve posted on my social media asking people to pray for Sophie and my family. To this very day she is still with us. Even though it’s only been five days past when we were planning on putting her down, I’ve lived each one like it was my last with her. Whether it’s coming home early from work so I can spend an hour or two more with her at night, or taking her outside when I get home from school before I run off to do other things, it’s all because I’ve finally realized that the littlest things are the ones that are going to mean the most to me in the end.
“I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life …” (376).
I’m not ready to say goodbye to my 9 year old Goldendoodle, Sophie. We adopted her when she was 6 years old. Meaning I’ve only gotten to spend less than half her life with her. It’s not a for sure that I’m going to have to say goodbye within the next couple days…but it’s a huge possibility. Dogs are truly a mans best friend. They are a replica of God’s love himself. They are loyal companions. They turn your day upside down, when you thought nothing could possibly.
We live in a world covered with selfish, wreck less, lying human beings. We also live in a world that happens to have a ‘lifetime view.’ I never get sick of seeing the glowing sunrise in the morning before heading to school. God never fails to amaze me.
Sometimes I think my own worst enemy is me. There’s times where I stack all my flaws on top of eachother and build a big wall. Being your own worst enemy is sometimes is your worst offender.
Today I found myself feeling under the weather. I have weird stomach tingling pains and lower back pains too. And also what feels like an upset stomach. Whatever it is, I wish it would go away. This is not how anyone wants to spend a Friday night.
Working where I work allows for a different scenario every day. I’ve never been happier at a job in my life. It’s like my second home.
Sometimes I feel as If I have no where to go emotionally. Like my emotions are bottled up in me and they’re not going to go anywhere anytime soon. Today I had felt that same tray of emotions. As of right now, I could say I’m feeling better, but I’d being lying if I said that and didn’t inlcude — my emotions are flying wild right now. Through the ups and downs, one of the worst things in life for me is a heartache. Whether I’m just hurting inside because of something small or something big, it’s a horrible feeling and I seem to be experiencing this feeling a lot now that I am a junior in highschool. Are there ways to cope with this killer emotion? I honestly haven’t found many ways myself. You can do a google search for this sort of thing and find results. But in reality, many of us can’t shake this feeling off our chest even after becoming aware of possible solutions, or methods to this emotional problem.
I would love to have an answer for my problem which stands right here in front of me currently. My problem, a majority of the time, is that… I just can’t seem to get my mind off of what is hurting me and dragging my day down. I try and try and keep trying to think of other positive things that would possibly cheer me up, and allow my mind to run free with thoughts that wouldn’t hurt me. Somehow, it seems almost impossible. Seeing a text notification on your phone from the person that is making your emotions run wild, or seeing a snapchat of that person, seeing that they ‘read’ your message or ‘opened’ your snapchat. These are all tiny things that are helping contribute to my sadness. It sucks, to be quite honest. Those are all things that I wish I could have the mental stability to brush off, but I don’t. My hopes being that someday I will have the ability to do just that.
Let me share a fact with you. This blog post that you are currently reading, is the reason I am currently not feeling any of what I was feeling before. I’ve been writing this for 15 minutes and it’s been a very relaxing 15 minutes. I am able to express my feelings freely, worry free. I am able to write a post that might miraculously help someone else out someday. I don’t really have a point to all of this, but if I had to state one reason as to why I’m writing all of this, it’d be that… ‘I am ready to free the worries of my mind and provide myself with a happier life.’
Jentacular – pertaining to breakfast
Gabelle – a tax on salt
Erinaceous – of, pertaining to, or resembling a hedgehog
Oxter – outdated word meaning “armpit”
Ulotrichous – having wooly or crispy hair
Zoanthropy – delusion of a person who believes himself changed into an animal
A Journey Through Life 