Slow down or speed up.
I turn 18 this year and I’ve got mixed emotions. I’m a teenager. I’m expected to want to move out and have total freedom, right? Or am I going to be one of those people that just can’t decide what I want to do or where I want to go in life?
Sometimes I feel as If I have no where to go emotionally. Like my emotions are bottled up in me and they’re not going to go anywhere anytime soon. Today I had felt that same tray of emotions. As of right now, I could say I’m feeling better, but I’d being lying if I said that and didn’t inlcude — my emotions are flying wild right now. Through the ups and downs, one of the worst things in life for me is a heartache. Whether I’m just hurting inside because of something small or something big, it’s a horrible feeling and I seem to be experiencing this feeling a lot now that I am a junior in highschool. Are there ways to cope with this killer emotion? I honestly haven’t found many ways myself. You can do a google search for this sort of thing and find results. But in reality, many of us can’t shake this feeling off our chest even after becoming aware of possible solutions, or methods to this emotional problem.
I would love to have an answer for my problem which stands right here in front of me currently. My problem, a majority of the time, is that… I just can’t seem to get my mind off of what is hurting me and dragging my day down. I try and try and keep trying to think of other positive things that would possibly cheer me up, and allow my mind to run free with thoughts that wouldn’t hurt me. Somehow, it seems almost impossible. Seeing a text notification on your phone from the person that is making your emotions run wild, or seeing a snapchat of that person, seeing that they ‘read’ your message or ‘opened’ your snapchat. These are all tiny things that are helping contribute to my sadness. It sucks, to be quite honest. Those are all things that I wish I could have the mental stability to brush off, but I don’t. My hopes being that someday I will have the ability to do just that.
Let me share a fact with you. This blog post that you are currently reading, is the reason I am currently not feeling any of what I was feeling before. I’ve been writing this for 15 minutes and it’s been a very relaxing 15 minutes. I am able to express my feelings freely, worry free. I am able to write a post that might miraculously help someone else out someday. I don’t really have a point to all of this, but if I had to state one reason as to why I’m writing all of this, it’d be that… ‘I am ready to free the worries of my mind and provide myself with a happier life.’